I sincerely believe that part of being a good therapist is to constantly work on oneself, that part of being a good teacher is to keep learning new things and part of being a leader is to be vulnerable. Since I adopted these three guidelines in my life I was rewarded by a great sense of inner peace and discovered that what I can give people grew immensely.
A new doorway opened within me that has led me even deeper into discovering who I really was and what was possible for me and for people I work with.
I worked a lot on myself lately and what I discovered largely surprised me.
Very often we revive memories in therapy to come to the source of the problem we are dealing with and to activate inner resources that we may have forgotten we had.
And oh boy, have I forgotten! In the years when my mother was in the forefront of my mind being ill with ALS and at the same time everything else seem to conspire against me I completely forgot about this other part of me, that was always there for me with its wonderful memories, experiences, insights and a rich tapestry of feelings.
When I finally took a breather from the outside drama and turned inside again, reorienting myself to my inner core, all those precious memories came back. For the first time I realized, I mean fully realized, how miraculous my life has always been.
It took someone who knew how to ask the right questions and encouraged me to remember the good feelings in my life. Countless amazing experiences came to my mind and I could feel all those wonderful feelings again! What immense riches have I burried inside myself! I felt like a royalty rediscovering my inner treasure chest.
Yet, as amazing this felt, this was not what surprised me. I was overjoyed at rediscovering it, however it was not a surprise. Somewhere deep inside I always knew this treasure existed.
There was something even more miraculous that happened unannounced and unexpected with one of my memories.
I remembered myself as a little girl playing in the sand, which I often did as a child. The picture that appeared in my mind was in black and white like the pictures my father used to take of me. There were incredible pictures as my father had an eye of an artist. But what struck me was that even though it pictured me as playful, I remember being a rather thoughful and not so happy child.
It was in that moment that the magic happened. Besides the little girl that was me back then playing in the sand there appeared a whirlwind of light in the air, whirling and dancing ecstatically! I immediately recognized it as the real me, that has been ecstatically happy all of the time! Even when things were not going well in my life it was still dancing. And still is.
Now this was a real treasure! I found my golden nugget that changed my life completely. Knowing that there is a part of me that is always blissfully happy changed my perspective of my life experiences. Whatever happens in my life now I know this part is still there, untouched, not troubled by anything, enjoying life, giggling away the worries and laughing at my overthinking things. It is very simple – it is simply happy. And this is who I really am beyond all appearances. A whirwind of happiness.
This I how I got my real me back. And it made all the difference.